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As a transformative coach and shamanic energy practitioner, I am often asked why events in our life repeat and why we become so triggered in relationships.  The concept of mirroring and the understanding of your external perception of reality mirroring your internal state of reality can be an instrumental tool for self-healing and transformation.  The following is an excerpt from material shared with clients who are following this path.

Everyone else as a Mirror to the Self

The “other” acts as a mirror of our own internal states and belief systems. Therefore each and every thing that happens in the world around us we are co-creating.  Thus, human evolution is a collective movement. As we grow and evolve, our relationship to the environment, plants, animals, etc. evolves as well. One of the most powerful acts of conservation, sustainability, and environmentalism is to heal ourselves.  When we live in a toxic environment or have toxic relationships, this is indicative of a toxic relationship with the Self.

Each and every thing that happens in life happens for a reason.  Each event that happens occurs because we have consented to it in one form or another.  This consent is most often unconscious to us. Therefore people are lead to feel out of control, and trapped by the victim-perpetrator cycle.  When we blame others for the cause and effect relationships in our own lives (even if we can’t currently see the cause and effect that is playing out), we make ourselves victims to our circumstances.  Blame never allows us to take responsibility or accountability for our own choices, beliefs, etc. When we become victims, we are disempowered to change anything about our life circumstances. This leads to people feeling more out of control and adopting more rigid belief systems, because they are seeking a safe container.  This rigidity only further leads to social conformity, illness, separation from the self and others, and unhappiness.

Our belief systems, identities, personalities, genetics, etc. are all factors in determining what our life looks like and these factors are all able to be changed.  If we perceive these states of being fixed states that cannot be changed, then we are left to suffer unendingly. Therefore, life becomes meaningless and we become depressed because we are left hopeless and helpless to create change.  This loss of motivation can even result in the loss of the will to live.

When we realize that everything that happens is a mirror, we can actually utilize the events in our lives as catalysts for change, growth, and evolution.  Taking responsibility and accountability means having a willingness to question why these things are happening in the first place and seek out the source of fear and disempowerment.  Once we find a source of our discomfort through deductive reasoning, introspection, thoughtful analysis, and intuition, we are able to begin to heal these aspects of separation and disempowerment in our lives.

Difficult events and relationships can act as a catalyst for growth.  They are like water upon a stone slowly smoothing out and refining it.  We can use these events to give us a greater understanding of ourselves and use them to assist us in rejoining with our Wholeness.  These events can even be seen as a powerful gift. Once we become familiar with this process, we learn that we do not have to heal through suffering alone.  Rather the true presence of unconditional love is the greatest motivator for change. Healing fear simply means healing the absence of love.

The largest fear we possess is the fear of death (annihilation/separation).  Death is the ultimate fear of separation mirrored back to us. Death is simply a transition from one perspective to another.  We essentially die every day as we grow and change. By releasing our old perspectives we surrender into grace and the alchemical fire of transformation.  When we heal, we face the fear of death each time. This is because we are transitioning from one perspective to another. It is important to understand that fear is healed through the activation of love.  In our greatest moment of fear, we have the opportunity to surrender into the presence of Source itself. This union is what essentially changes us and releases separation and moves us back into greater alignment with the ultimate Truth and unity.

By Tamara Rianda, M.S. CMT #75555

Transformative Wellness

I offer in-person and distance sessions for life coaching, spiritual guidance, and energy work.  It would be my pleasure to walk this path with you. I invite you to contact me if you’re interested in working with me.  If this is a topic of self-study for you, there are additional resources below.


The Mirror of Relationship: Love, Sex, and Chastity by [J. Krishnamurti] – Book and Lectures can be found at the Krishnamurti Library in Ojai or online.

Research into Mirror Neurons, including the work of Neuroscientist Matthew Lieberman of University of California Los Angeles (UCLA).

The Secrets of Living a Centered Life by Douglas E. Noll

De-escalate by Douglas E. Noll